My Work with Alan Francis

My Work with Alan

Essay

I met Alan in February 2007. One of my friends knowing that I was interested in Mr. Gurdjieff’s teaching told me about the Lecture given by Alan Francis. Before that I had read some books by Ouspensky and his followers (Garry Bendjamin, Rodney Collin), “Meetings with Remarkable Men” by Gurdjieff etc., and therefore I was in a sense familiar with the ideas and terminology of the System, of course superficially. I was very attracted by Gurdjieff’s ideas, his cosmology, introduced by Ouspensky; I felt that here it was possible to find answers on such questions as the aim and purpose of the human life, the meaning of everything existing, the methods to study oneself and the world, transformation, – questions of interest probably for everyone searching for this way. At the same time even from the books it was possible to feel the power and boundlessness of Gurdjieff’s Teaching as well as the great difference between him and the most of the other people, in the sense of being. On the other side, I had also felt that nothing would come free, that it could cost me something what was difficult to abandon. So this friction between the wish to know and understand, a search for the answers and a vague anxiety from the presentiment of something new created an impulse to the further search, what resulted in the encounter with Alan and the group working under his guidance.

I remember this first impression very well – I had entered the room full of strange people about 10 minutes before the start. Some people were standing in small groups talking, moving here and there, some were sitting already at their places – as always in a well-attended meeting. Alan was sitting on the chair in the depth of the room where the stage is usually placed. And this difference was very visible – between moving and talking people and one man sitting in silence. He was sitting very straight but not tense and was very quiet really quiet and stillness was surrounding him. In my life I have met many people who had attained something in their lives, quite extraordinary people, charismatic, strong and with outstanding qualities; and I do remember them and have respect toward them up to now, but I have never seen such inner silence and concentration as Alan had shown.

After the lecture I asked the administrator if there would be more events with Alan. It appeared that there was an open Gurdjieff seminar planned for the following weekend. Then in one of the days Alan had a personal talk with me and soon I was included into his group.

When I entered the group I was like that woman from the story of Anna Butkovskaya, who came to Gurdjieff in Paris with the heap of dresses and furs and the Master at once had shown to her the uselessness of all those. To some extent it was not so difficult to me to part with this image of myself but the vanity is a quality to work upon during all my life. It is so treacherous and able to hide beyond the other minor “i”s which sometimes are hard to notice.

I remember one old situation, once I took Alan to his home after a group meeting (I was quite a reckless driver that time). A guy in an old white Russian car had cut through my way so I had to press the brakes fast. Then I had passed his car, stood in front and pulled over, and then rushed away. Such a manoeuvre. Alan had slapped me on the shoulder and said: “Well now I know one more side of you”. And that was like a shock for me. Now those words are like a reminding factor – often when I see inside this foolish excitement of the emotions mixed with my features I remember those words.

In the beginning the weekly meetings had caused a resistance in me. I could not understand the necessity to meet so often and moreover the necessity of the retreats every 2-3 months. Then I just start attending the meetings. Sometimes I came to a meeting and sat without a word not understanding what to say and why… And I can tell now that this understanding did not come in one moment, it grew little by little. The Retreats as an intensive practice are very useful – the energy becomes concentrated, vibrations become higher and the understanding of the ideas and phenomena grow. At the same time continuous, consistent efforts of regular meetings are also necessary. Once Alan has said about it – that the consistency of weekly meetings is not less (and may be even more) important than participation in a two-day seminar. It is always so useful to see my resistance toward the group meetings (that could be both inner and outer resistance like for example seeking for the reasons for not going over there, or the resistance during the meeting itself) – this is always an impression of myself, the field to work upon, the chance to step back of my ego. There were more than 20 people in the group when I joined it. Then some people left, new ones came and went away, some stayed… And of course we are connected by a special connection, what is not friendship neither family ties. It is different and it gives warmth to me. Working in this group is not something static, it is a constant search towards something to have my mind and feelings open. This is a continuous practice to awaken from my own sleep – moment after moment. Every group meeting is a concentrated life. Where else I could see my illusions so completely? Or meet with my negative parts and become aware of them? Has someone in his ordinary life an idea to see his own ugliness and powerlessness? On the contrary, as psychologists say, our psychology tries to protect us from this unattractive picture of ourselves as best as it can. Self-excuse is very common for a contemporary man. Sometimes I see this self-excusing “i” trying to come to the surface in the case of some failure. Why to know oneself? We cannot make our task to get rid of a certain feature because the placing of this question itself already presumes that we know, but we do Not know. First we should study. We can only observe. And the process of observation and the attempts to understand- what this observation is –is an endless search and intrigue.

I remember my first retreat very well. It took place in one of the beautiful places not far from Moscow; the group was almost in a full complement. That was not my first experience of group work (I took part in several psychological trainings before I met Alan), and some methods were similar, but the accents and aims were different, and the presence and guidance of Alan, of course. There was a lot of physical labor, we were cooking and washing everything, also there was a practice of Gurdjieff movements. In the end of the day, when I was out of forces, there also was sitting. And also Alan was working individually with everyone. I asked Alan how he saw me and my work in the group, he said that he does not know me well enough yet because I was new, but he saw that I was very closed and I had to learn to be open. It was not quite clear for me and I did not agree, I did not consider myself so closed, and I left this question hanging somewhere inside, but I remembered about that…In several years I understood that this closeness is impossible just to remove. It will go away when the power of ego will weaken. How I understand that it has weakened – when I stop comparing and judge, when I stop think that I’m right (once at an open meeting Alan said that this conviction that “I’m right” is a criteria of the false part of oneself, and he has repeated that specially for me, because it was difficult for me to agree).

Once we went out for the retreat to one of the most interesting places in the Caucasus, at the south of Russia. There also was a lot of practice – physical labor, exercises, sittings, special tasks. At one of the days we were gathering flat stones at the riverbed and making a path, trying to work over an exercise at the same time; and Alan was also answering our questions. Everyone who felt this necessity could ask a question. This picture – how we were sitting over there all together – is still in front of my eyes. And Alan said to me again: “You have to let go of your fear to be open”. This is a question for me to investigate what it means to me – to be open.

Within all those years I have never heard a word of Alan blaming someone, neither sharp judgments. Although he can be very strict when it’s necessary. At that retreat mentioned above in one wonderful cool morning we were sitting in the forest trying to follow Alan’s words. And suddenly a dog ran up to us, it was looking very happy and joyful and it tried to make us play with it. And our attention had switched over to the dog immediately. Everyone it came up to has shown a reaction. All of a sudden Alan shouted: “That’s it. We are gone. What is the value of your attention if everything distracts it?” And we did not return to the sitting that morning. This is true – there are thousands of distractions of any kind, everything tries to eat our attention. But the attention – is what we need so much. We cannot do, but we can become able to direct our attention.

 

One of the brightest experiments, to my opinion, was the staging of the Myth of Isis and Osiris. Alan told this legend shortly to us and assigned the roles. Mine was Isis. How he had guessed that it was so important to me? I had to live through and realize that a woman with an endless patience gathers, creates and brings life. In total, it’s difficult for me to compare the power of impressions of the participation in this mystery with something else. We had rehearsed our words, gestures and postures, but when the performance started, everything had changed; it seemed we understood each other without words; there was a complete silence in the room. I could say that the feeling of the support and understanding was sensed not only within us but also from the spectators. To experience and feel this wise creative part of myself, as well as the power and support or the other parts, or power and deceit of some else parts, realize all this complexity and the necessity of the efforts and sacrifice before something new could appear, having another being, power and resources – that was the main experience for me in this internal drama, so nicely performed.

 

All the Work for me consists of such gleamings of understanding. Four years passed before I saw my disunity, multiplicity of my “i”s, realize how difficult it is to give up some of them (for ex. the “i” what thinks that it has a right to judge the others, or the “i” what thinks that it knows something better). In six and half years after my start working in Alan’s group I saw that “I” is not my functions, or to put it more precisely, I had an experience of the division of the “I” and the others, functional parts of myself. I should say that this understanding appeared in the result of one of the group exercises given to us by Alan. And this experience became even stronger after the seminar in this summer (2013). For me it was a real intensive work in the result of what I had the chance to experience something both new and familiar. I do not know if that was my own “I”, may be just a taste of it, and it was full of life. Together with useful discoveries, individual experience, expanded attention, efforts to be present, feeling of the real life, it also was possible to see how the Masters work. Here perhaps the meaning of the idea of doing could be seen, couldn’t it?

 

Who is Alan for me? A man, crystallized in the Work, with an endless patience and love. Once after one difficult group meeting I’ve asked Alan in the e-mail, something like: “how are you able to bear all this silliness, ignorance and laziness existing in us all the time?” And he had answered very simply: “Because I know deep inside there is a light within you and slowly it begins to burn more brightly”.

 

Is the Teaching of Gurdjieff mostly a psychological system? Both yes and no, because it is wider than any existing system. And probably it is impossible to understand it from the level of my ordinary mind; from the mind thinking that it is the master, or does not think at all. And how to develop the other mind, to become in contact with that really intelligent part of myself? For me the answer here is in a long way of patience and confidence in people whose being is different than mine.

Elena Tushina

‘,”,”,NULL),(16858,830,3,’My Work with Alan Francis’,’

My Work with Alan

Essay

I met Alan in February 2007. One of my friends knowing that I was interested in Mr. Gurdjieff’s teaching told me about the Lecture given by Alan Francis. Before that I had read some books by Ouspensky and his followers (Garry Bendjamin, Rodney Collin), “Meetings with Remarkable Men” by Gurdjieff etc., and therefore I was in a sense familiar with the ideas and terminology of the System, of course superficially. I was very attracted by Gurdjieff’s ideas, his cosmology, introduced by Ouspensky; I felt that here it was possible to find answers on such questions as the aim and purpose of the human life, the meaning of everything existing, the methods to study oneself and the world, transformation, – questions of interest probably for everyone searching for this way. At the same time even from the books it was possible to feel the power and boundlessness of Gurdjieff’s Teaching as well as the great difference between him and the most of the other people, in the sense of being. On the other side, I had also felt that nothing would come free, that it could cost me something what was difficult to abandon. So this friction between the wish to know and understand, a search for the answers and a vague anxiety from the presentiment of something new created an impulse to the further search, what resulted in the encounter with Alan and the group working under his guidance.

I remember this first impression very well – I had entered the room full of strange people about 10 minutes before the start. Some people were standing in small groups talking, moving here and there, some were sitting already at their places – as always in a well-attended meeting. Alan was sitting on the chair in the depth of the room where the stage is usually placed. And this difference was very visible – between moving and talking people and one man sitting in silence. He was sitting very straight but not tense and was very quiet really quiet and stillness was surrounding him. In my life I have met many people who had attained something in their lives, quite extraordinary people, charismatic, strong and with outstanding qualities; and I do remember them and have respect toward them up to now, but I have never seen such inner silence and concentration as Alan had shown.

After the lecture I asked the administrator if there would be more events with Alan. It appeared that there was an open Gurdjieff seminar planned for the following weekend. Then in one of the days Alan had a personal talk with me and soon I was included into his group.

When I entered the group I was like that woman from the story of Anna Butkovskaya, who came to Gurdjieff in Paris with the heap of dresses and furs and the Master at once had shown to her the uselessness of all those. To some extent it was not so difficult to me to part with this image of myself but the vanity is a quality to work upon during all my life. It is so treacherous and able to hide beyond the other minor “i”s which sometimes are hard to notice.

I remember one old situation, once I took Alan to his home after a group meeting (I was quite a reckless driver that time). A guy in an old white Russian car had cut through my way so I had to press the brakes fast. Then I had passed his car, stood in front and pulled over, and then rushed away. Such a manoeuvre. Alan had slapped me on the shoulder and said: “Well now I know one more side of you”. And that was like a shock for me. Now those words are like a reminding factor – often when I see inside this foolish excitement of the emotions mixed with my features I remember those words.

In the beginning the weekly meetings had caused a resistance in me. I could not understand the necessity to meet so often and moreover the necessity of the retreats every 2-3 months. Then I just start attending the meetings. Sometimes I came to a meeting and sat without a word not understanding what to say and why… And I can tell now that this understanding did not come in one moment, it grew little by little. The Retreats as an intensive practice are very useful – the energy becomes concentrated, vibrations become higher and the understanding of the ideas and phenomena grow. At the same time continuous, consistent efforts of regular meetings are also necessary. Once Alan has said about it – that the consistency of weekly meetings is not less (and may be even more) important than participation in a two-day seminar. It is always so useful to see my resistance toward the group meetings (that could be both inner and outer resistance like for example seeking for the reasons for not going over there, or the resistance during the meeting itself) – this is always an impression of myself, the field to work upon, the chance to step back of my ego. There were more than 20 people in the group when I joined it. Then some people left, new ones came and went away, some stayed… And of course we are connected by a special connection, what is not friendship neither family ties. It is different and it gives warmth to me. Working in this group is not something static, it is a constant search towards something to have my mind and feelings open. This is a continuous practice to awaken from my own sleep – moment after moment. Every group meeting is a concentrated life. Where else I could see my illusions so completely? Or meet with my negative parts and become aware of them? Has someone in his ordinary life an idea to see his own ugliness and powerlessness? On the contrary, as psychologists say, our psychology tries to protect us from this unattractive picture of ourselves as best as it can. Self-excuse is very common for a contemporary man. Sometimes I see this self-excusing “i” trying to come to the surface in the case of some failure. Why to know oneself? We cannot make our task to get rid of a certain feature because the placing of this question itself already presumes that we know, but we do Not know. First we should study. We can only observe. And the process of observation and the attempts to understand- what this observation is –is an endless search and intrigue.

I remember my first retreat very well. It took place in one of the beautiful places not far from Moscow; the group was almost in a full complement. That was not my first experience of group work (I took part in several psychological trainings before I met Alan), and some methods were similar, but the accents and aims were different, and the presence and guidance of Alan, of course. There was a lot of physical labor, we were cooking and washing everything, also there was a practice of Gurdjieff movements. In the end of the day, when I was out of forces, there also was sitting. And also Alan was working individually with everyone. I asked Alan how he saw me and my work in the group, he said that he does not know me well enough yet because I was new, but he saw that I was very closed and I had to learn to be open. It was not quite clear for me and I did not agree, I did not consider myself so closed, and I left this question hanging somewhere inside, but I remembered about that…In several years I understood that this closeness is impossible just to remove. It will go away when the power of ego will weaken. How I understand that it has weakened – when I stop comparing and judge, when I stop think that I’m right (once at an open meeting Alan said that this conviction that “I’m right” is a criteria of the false part of oneself, and he has repeated that specially for me, because it was difficult for me to agree).

Once we went out for the retreat to one of the most interesting places in the Caucasus, at the south of Russia. There also was a lot of practice – physical labor, exercises, sittings, special tasks. At one of the days we were gathering flat stones at the riverbed and making a path, trying to work over an exercise at the same time; and Alan was also answering our questions. Everyone who felt this necessity could ask a question. This picture – how we were sitting over there all together – is still in front of my eyes. And Alan said to me again: “You have to let go of your fear to be open”. This is a question for me to investigate what it means to me – to be open.

Within all those years I have never heard a word of Alan blaming someone, neither sharp judgments. Although he can be very strict when it’s necessary. At that retreat mentioned above in one wonderful cool morning we were sitting in the forest trying to follow Alan’s words. And suddenly a dog ran up to us, it was looking very happy and joyful and it tried to make us play with it. And our attention had switched over to the dog immediately. Everyone it came up to has shown a reaction. All of a sudden Alan shouted: “That’s it. We are gone. What is the value of your attention if everything distracts it?” And we did not return to the sitting that morning. This is true – there are thousands of distractions of any kind, everything tries to eat our attention. But the attention – is what we need so much. We cannot do, but we can become able to direct our attention.

 

One of the brightest experiments, to my opinion, was the staging of the Myth of Isis and Osiris. Alan told this legend shortly to us and assigned the roles. Mine was Isis. How he had guessed that it was so important to me? I had to live through and realize that a woman with an endless patience gathers, creates and brings life. In total, it’s difficult for me to compare the power of impressions of the participation in this mystery with something else. We had rehearsed our words, gestures and postures, but when the performance started, everything had changed; it seemed we understood each other without words; there was a complete silence in the room. I could say that the feeling of the support and understanding was sensed not only within us but also from the spectators. To experience and feel this wise creative part of myself, as well as the power and support or the other parts, or power and deceit of some else parts, realize all this complexity and the necessity of the efforts and sacrifice before something new could appear, having another being, power and resources – that was the main experience for me in this internal drama, so nicely performed.

 

All the Work for me consists of such gleamings of understanding. Four years passed before I saw my disunity, multiplicity of my “i”s, realize how difficult it is to give up some of them (for ex. the “i” what thinks that it has a right to judge the others, or the “i” what thinks that it knows something better). In six and half years after my start working in Alan’s group I saw that “I” is not my functions, or to put it more precisely, I had an experience of the division of the “I” and the others, functional parts of myself. I should say that this understanding appeared in the result of one of the group exercises given to us by Alan. And this experience became even stronger after the seminar in this summer (2013). For me it was a real intensive work in the result of what I had the chance to experience something both new and familiar. I do not know if that was my own “I”, may be just a taste of it, and it was full of life. Together with useful discoveries, individual experience, expanded attention, efforts to be present, feeling of the real life, it also was possible to see how the Masters work. Here perhaps the meaning of the idea of doing could be seen, couldn’t it?

 

Who is Alan for me? A man, crystallized in the Work, with an endless patience and love. Once after one difficult group meeting I’ve asked Alan in the e-mail, something like: “how are you able to bear all this silliness, ignorance and laziness existing in us all the time?” And he had answered very simply: “Because I know deep inside there is a light within you and slowly it begins to burn more brightly”.

 

Is the Teaching of Gurdjieff mostly a psychological system? Both yes and no, because it is wider than any existing system. And probably it is impossible to understand it from the level of my ordinary mind; from the mind thinking that it is the master, or does not think at all. And how to develop the other mind, to become in contact with that really intelligent part of myself? For me the answer here is in a long way of patience and confidence in people whose being is different than mine.

Elena Tushina

Back To Top